Healing the Heart

We received the sad, sad news on Wednesday that I had a miscarriage. I melted, heart broken into a million pieces. Jon was out of town in Houston for business, and so I had already planned for my mom to go with me to the appointment - thank goodness. I seriously don't know what I would've done had I gone by myself. It's weird how when we are faced with something like this, how you can go into a "mode" and get things taken care of. That's exactly what Mom did. I was a complete basketcase, and there was mom asking all the questions I would've NEVER thought to ask. My Dr - whom I absolutely love - was talking what seemed 90 to nothing, and I couldn't tell you anything she said. Mom, obviously upset as well, took it all in and remembered everything.

Poor Jon, had to be told over the phone through my tears and sobs. He is seriously one of the strongest men I know. I interupted a business meeting, and he had to step out and take my call. We talked for a few minutes, heartbroken as well, and had to go back to business. He did keep in touch with me through out the day through text messages and phone calls, all the while running business meetings and going about his day. That's one of the reasons I married him - taking care of so many things, including me, and exceling at everything on his plate.

Everytime I think about it, it takes my breath away. I got into the habit of thinking about EVERYTHING I ate before I ate it, waking up and not feeling good at all, and now, I feel weird not doing the same things I did a week ago - when I thought I was still pregnant.

I know that God wouldn't want us to have anything less than a perfect child, and right now isn't our time. It's something so hard to grasp, to wrap my mind around, but each day is starting to get better.

I haven't been able to talk on the phone to anyone, but we appreciate every prayer, thought, phone call, message, email, and text from everyone. It really means so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jon and I have been at the lakehouse since Friday afternoon. It's been so nice to relax. To be able to remove myself from Dallas - from the hussle and bussle. I sat on the porch and read my book and watched the water move. I took naps on the couch, and we watched movies all night long - slowly healing our hearts.