I'm horrible at blogging. I always think about about it, but I've been CRAZY. busy, so, my solution is...I'll do it later. My very good friend Kristen has put me to shame on blogging, so I guess it's time to bite the bullet and keep up with it!
Jon and I just celebrated our ONE YEAR anniversary. It's so crazy!! Everything we have been through this past year, and only knowing each other for three years makes it hard to believe we have only been married for ONE year. But it was AWESOME. We really had a great celebration. We went to the lakehouse, had a nice dinner, and sat on the porch drinking some great wine and looked at the stars. Perfect.
Let's see -- getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, three surgeries for me, a new job for Jon, a new job location for me, getting a nephew and a soon to be sister in law, and now deciding to move...needless to say, it's been a CrAzY year.
If I would have known everything I know now -- three years ago -- when I met this private, very professional businessman fresh off a divorce, I STILL wouldn't change anything. Everything we have been together, the good, the bad, and the UGLY, has not only made me grow, but made me a better person. There is constant laughter in our house. It's mostly us just being stupid, silly, laughing at each other and ourselves. I told my mom a LONG time ago, that I want to marry a guy that when I wake up in the morning, you never know what the day is going to bring. There is always a mystery. You never know what's going to happen. I get that every.single.day with Jon. He and I snuggle in the morning and talk about our day. He is my #1 cheerleader. I talk to him about my Boys & Girls Club stuff and I hear him on the phone with his multi-million dollar clients being the very charismatic salesman he is (he works from home, and so do I in the mornings, so I get to hear these things). I always think, how can my job compare to his?? But, yet everyday when I come home, he wants to hear about my day and the kids I work with. How lucky am I??
So, thank you Jon Maxfield, for loving me unconditionally, being there to dry my tears, laugh with me, and fix my heart. I love you with all my heart and look forward to many more years with you. I know that we are never promised tomorrow, but thank you for yesterday and the day before that. I look forward to tomorrow, if we are given the day.
If this year has been crazy, I can't wait to see what the next year brings. Thank you for being you and making me a better person inside and out.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It's been a year...
Chad and I have always been close. Being the little sister of two older brothers kinda makes you close -- whether you want to or not. He’s always been very protective of his little sister, and I have always been very protective of him. I grew up with two older brothers, but Chad and I were closer in age. So, that made my oldest brother Rob, even more protective, I think. Rob wanted nothing but the best for his little sister, and he made sure of it – no matter how many miles away he was. I love both my brothers with all my heart. I am the person I am because of them.
Chad moved to Lubbock in January of 2001. I love to tell everyone he moved there because me, but it was really because of a girl. He and I were both in relationships, but we made sure our relationship between each other stayed strong. He broke up with his girl, I broke up with my guy, and we became inseparable. He went through some serious hardships, and so did I. We grew up. Together, yet separate. I moved back to Dallas, he stayed in Lubbock. I didn’t trust many – I should really say any - of his friends, but after a while, I did finally come around to trust his best friend, Justin Blake Johnson. I hated him at the beginning, I mean, seriously hated him – but he won me over in the end. Maybe it was his charm, but Justin did promised me - up, down, left and right that Chad was ok. I believed him – and I knew Chad was doing right finally. I had always been Chad’s last resort, last call - and I gave it up to Justin, and I’m so glad I did.
Jon and I were putting up pictures around Christmas, and I came across a picture of Justin, Chad and I. We were at my favorite bar in Lubbock – they met me at Blue Light, I guess I was trying to relive my college memories at the time in 2005, but they were both there -- for me.
Justin passed away a year ago today. I'll never forget the phone call Jon got from Mom -- she knows me too well to not give me that news over the phone, and wanted to make sure Jon was with me when I got it. I immediately went into panic mode. How is Chad? Where is he? I need to get to him. NOW. I need to give him a hug. I need to see his face and make sure he's ok. WHY isn't he answering his phone?? My friend Leigh Ann and I left for Lubbock that next afternoon. I didn't know how long I'd be there -- I needed to be by Chad's side and give him a hug. I needed to make sure he was ok. We made it through the week together. Laughing with everybody, crying with everybody. We all got through it together.
Chad is doing better these days. He and his girlfriend, Ashton, are expecting a baby boy in July, and they both are thrilled. They are naming the baby after Justin and my Dad -- Thomas Blake. I absolutely love it.
I think Justin and the man upstairs played a little part with Chad meeting a good girl and helping him heal. It's good to see a smile and life fill Chad's face and eyes. I missed that spark -- and it's back! I know there isn't a day that goes by that Chad doesn't think about Justin -- I just hope it's with a lighter, healing heart. Justin is resting in peace, and I think Chad is on his way.
That picture remains on our fridge and I get to see Justin and Chad everyday.
Chad moved to Lubbock in January of 2001. I love to tell everyone he moved there because me, but it was really because of a girl. He and I were both in relationships, but we made sure our relationship between each other stayed strong. He broke up with his girl, I broke up with my guy, and we became inseparable. He went through some serious hardships, and so did I. We grew up. Together, yet separate. I moved back to Dallas, he stayed in Lubbock. I didn’t trust many – I should really say any - of his friends, but after a while, I did finally come around to trust his best friend, Justin Blake Johnson. I hated him at the beginning, I mean, seriously hated him – but he won me over in the end. Maybe it was his charm, but Justin did promised me - up, down, left and right that Chad was ok. I believed him – and I knew Chad was doing right finally. I had always been Chad’s last resort, last call - and I gave it up to Justin, and I’m so glad I did.
Jon and I were putting up pictures around Christmas, and I came across a picture of Justin, Chad and I. We were at my favorite bar in Lubbock – they met me at Blue Light, I guess I was trying to relive my college memories at the time in 2005, but they were both there -- for me.
Justin passed away a year ago today. I'll never forget the phone call Jon got from Mom -- she knows me too well to not give me that news over the phone, and wanted to make sure Jon was with me when I got it. I immediately went into panic mode. How is Chad? Where is he? I need to get to him. NOW. I need to give him a hug. I need to see his face and make sure he's ok. WHY isn't he answering his phone?? My friend Leigh Ann and I left for Lubbock that next afternoon. I didn't know how long I'd be there -- I needed to be by Chad's side and give him a hug. I needed to make sure he was ok. We made it through the week together. Laughing with everybody, crying with everybody. We all got through it together.
Chad is doing better these days. He and his girlfriend, Ashton, are expecting a baby boy in July, and they both are thrilled. They are naming the baby after Justin and my Dad -- Thomas Blake. I absolutely love it.
I think Justin and the man upstairs played a little part with Chad meeting a good girl and helping him heal. It's good to see a smile and life fill Chad's face and eyes. I missed that spark -- and it's back! I know there isn't a day that goes by that Chad doesn't think about Justin -- I just hope it's with a lighter, healing heart. Justin is resting in peace, and I think Chad is on his way.
That picture remains on our fridge and I get to see Justin and Chad everyday.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
One day at a time...
WOW. What a couple of weeks it has been for us. My emotions are bouncing off the walls, and thank GOODNESS I have such a patient and sweet husband to put up with them all.
It just hit me Monday night that I'm not pregnant anymore. My mind was consumed with the dreaded "procedure" (D&C) for a week, then the heavy painkillers and sleep set in. I walked downstairs as Jon was cooking dinner, and just broke down. It's so crazy after 10 weeks of being pregnant, how you change your life and lifestyle and ready your mind that you are going to be a mommy, and then it can all come crashing down in an instant. It's unreal. I seriously think that I'm in a horrible dream, and I'm going to wake up - but then I remember it's all true, and reality sets in.
I have been in a lot of pain since Saturday. Friday I was ok, and my spirits were good. I was looking forward to enjoying a relaxing weekend with my husband before I went back to work. The cramps hit me like a ton of bricks on Saturday morning, and I've been laid up ever since. YUCK.
I still haven't had the courage to talk about what happened with me. Rob called me on Sunday and we discussed it briefly, but then went on to other hot topics of interest. I have surrounded myself with my fabulous husband, my parents, Jon's parents, our brothers and sisters, Mattie McDaddy, and my good friends Amanda, Kristen and Robyn. I can't bring myself to go outside "the circle" I have surrounded myself with. I know that when I'm around these people, I don't have to talk about it and if I do, and I cry, it's ok. I'm terrified of talking about it with people and then just breaking down. I know it's going to happen, but not sure I can handle that right now.
My mom came over tonight just to check on me. She's so great. I always know that that crazy lady is always there for me, no matter what. Sometimes I just need a Mom hug, and I surely got one tonight. Her and Dad were there for me during the procedure, along with Jon of course. But for them to sit and wait 4 long hours in not so comfortable chairs, was above and beyond anything I could have ever asked for. Mom asked if it was ok if she went. She wanted to be there for me. Jon left it totally up to me, and what I wanted. Dad told me that morning he was going to go to support me. I wanted Mom and Dad there not only to support me, but to support Jon. I think he was more excited, if that is even possible, than me that I was pregnant. This is something that we have talked about for so long. He has been so incredibly awesome through this whole process. He has been my rock, my shoulder to cry on, all the while working full days and dealing with this too. I have definitely fallen in love with him all over again. My love for him has grown by leaps and bounds, and I didn't even think that was possible. I know that's super cheesy, but it's totally true.
I want to thank everyone who has sent a facebook message, an email, a text message, or a phone call. It really means alot to me that people take the time out of their busy day to let me know that they are sorry, and they are praying for us. What an awesome feeling to feel so loved. It's overwhelming and very heartwarming.
A very wise lady told me today I can only take one day at a time. I can't worry about tomorrow and how I will feel. I have to deal with the emotions I am feeling today right now, and not worry about tomorrow and what's going to happen then. I've decided that's how I'm going to get through this. With the help of Jon and our families, we are going to put one foot in front of the other, and take one day at a time - and don't forget to breathe.
It just hit me Monday night that I'm not pregnant anymore. My mind was consumed with the dreaded "procedure" (D&C) for a week, then the heavy painkillers and sleep set in. I walked downstairs as Jon was cooking dinner, and just broke down. It's so crazy after 10 weeks of being pregnant, how you change your life and lifestyle and ready your mind that you are going to be a mommy, and then it can all come crashing down in an instant. It's unreal. I seriously think that I'm in a horrible dream, and I'm going to wake up - but then I remember it's all true, and reality sets in.
I have been in a lot of pain since Saturday. Friday I was ok, and my spirits were good. I was looking forward to enjoying a relaxing weekend with my husband before I went back to work. The cramps hit me like a ton of bricks on Saturday morning, and I've been laid up ever since. YUCK.
I still haven't had the courage to talk about what happened with me. Rob called me on Sunday and we discussed it briefly, but then went on to other hot topics of interest. I have surrounded myself with my fabulous husband, my parents, Jon's parents, our brothers and sisters, Mattie McDaddy, and my good friends Amanda, Kristen and Robyn. I can't bring myself to go outside "the circle" I have surrounded myself with. I know that when I'm around these people, I don't have to talk about it and if I do, and I cry, it's ok. I'm terrified of talking about it with people and then just breaking down. I know it's going to happen, but not sure I can handle that right now.
My mom came over tonight just to check on me. She's so great. I always know that that crazy lady is always there for me, no matter what. Sometimes I just need a Mom hug, and I surely got one tonight. Her and Dad were there for me during the procedure, along with Jon of course. But for them to sit and wait 4 long hours in not so comfortable chairs, was above and beyond anything I could have ever asked for. Mom asked if it was ok if she went. She wanted to be there for me. Jon left it totally up to me, and what I wanted. Dad told me that morning he was going to go to support me. I wanted Mom and Dad there not only to support me, but to support Jon. I think he was more excited, if that is even possible, than me that I was pregnant. This is something that we have talked about for so long. He has been so incredibly awesome through this whole process. He has been my rock, my shoulder to cry on, all the while working full days and dealing with this too. I have definitely fallen in love with him all over again. My love for him has grown by leaps and bounds, and I didn't even think that was possible. I know that's super cheesy, but it's totally true.
I want to thank everyone who has sent a facebook message, an email, a text message, or a phone call. It really means alot to me that people take the time out of their busy day to let me know that they are sorry, and they are praying for us. What an awesome feeling to feel so loved. It's overwhelming and very heartwarming.
A very wise lady told me today I can only take one day at a time. I can't worry about tomorrow and how I will feel. I have to deal with the emotions I am feeling today right now, and not worry about tomorrow and what's going to happen then. I've decided that's how I'm going to get through this. With the help of Jon and our families, we are going to put one foot in front of the other, and take one day at a time - and don't forget to breathe.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Healing the Heart
We received the sad, sad news on Wednesday that I had a miscarriage. I melted, heart broken into a million pieces. Jon was out of town in Houston for business, and so I had already planned for my mom to go with me to the appointment - thank goodness. I seriously don't know what I would've done had I gone by myself. It's weird how when we are faced with something like this, how you can go into a "mode" and get things taken care of. That's exactly what Mom did. I was a complete basketcase, and there was mom asking all the questions I would've NEVER thought to ask. My Dr - whom I absolutely love - was talking what seemed 90 to nothing, and I couldn't tell you anything she said. Mom, obviously upset as well, took it all in and remembered everything.
Poor Jon, had to be told over the phone through my tears and sobs. He is seriously one of the strongest men I know. I interupted a business meeting, and he had to step out and take my call. We talked for a few minutes, heartbroken as well, and had to go back to business. He did keep in touch with me through out the day through text messages and phone calls, all the while running business meetings and going about his day. That's one of the reasons I married him - taking care of so many things, including me, and exceling at everything on his plate.
Everytime I think about it, it takes my breath away. I got into the habit of thinking about EVERYTHING I ate before I ate it, waking up and not feeling good at all, and now, I feel weird not doing the same things I did a week ago - when I thought I was still pregnant.
I know that God wouldn't want us to have anything less than a perfect child, and right now isn't our time. It's something so hard to grasp, to wrap my mind around, but each day is starting to get better.
I haven't been able to talk on the phone to anyone, but we appreciate every prayer, thought, phone call, message, email, and text from everyone. It really means so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Jon and I have been at the lakehouse since Friday afternoon. It's been so nice to relax. To be able to remove myself from Dallas - from the hussle and bussle. I sat on the porch and read my book and watched the water move. I took naps on the couch, and we watched movies all night long - slowly healing our hearts.
Poor Jon, had to be told over the phone through my tears and sobs. He is seriously one of the strongest men I know. I interupted a business meeting, and he had to step out and take my call. We talked for a few minutes, heartbroken as well, and had to go back to business. He did keep in touch with me through out the day through text messages and phone calls, all the while running business meetings and going about his day. That's one of the reasons I married him - taking care of so many things, including me, and exceling at everything on his plate.
Everytime I think about it, it takes my breath away. I got into the habit of thinking about EVERYTHING I ate before I ate it, waking up and not feeling good at all, and now, I feel weird not doing the same things I did a week ago - when I thought I was still pregnant.
I know that God wouldn't want us to have anything less than a perfect child, and right now isn't our time. It's something so hard to grasp, to wrap my mind around, but each day is starting to get better.
I haven't been able to talk on the phone to anyone, but we appreciate every prayer, thought, phone call, message, email, and text from everyone. It really means so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Jon and I have been at the lakehouse since Friday afternoon. It's been so nice to relax. To be able to remove myself from Dallas - from the hussle and bussle. I sat on the porch and read my book and watched the water move. I took naps on the couch, and we watched movies all night long - slowly healing our hearts.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Long over due update!
Things have been crazy in the Maxfield household. The holidays came and went and Jon started a new job working from home at the beginning. I absolutely love having him home in the mornings...except for his occasional grumpiness in the mornings. :)
We had a fabulous Christmas and New Years - mostly celebrated at the lakehouse. We absolutely love that place. A home away from home and so quiet and peaceful!
We celebrated my sweet Momma's birthday on Friday night. She made a big deal of Dad's birthday last year - we all went to Lake Tahoe for his 60th. Due to finances, we all couldn't do that this year. I decided it would be fun to throw a surprise birthday party for her at one of her favorite new stompin' grounds - Urban Crust. All of her work buddies showed up as well as a few other loved ones. Mom was feeling a little sorry for herself, and didn't think we were making a big deal about her birthday - but boy was she surprised!! I'm horrible at keeping secrets, but am getting better! :) I can't believe we pulled it off. The look on her face was priceless!
My mom has become one of my best friends over the years. She knows everything I know. We have always been close, but growing up I told her as much as she needed to know - she was and still does ask a dozen questions about EVERYTHING! Course, that's the way mothers are, I guess! :) She and my Dad will celebrate 40 years of marriage this year... WOW. The funny thing is they still act like they are in high school. They both laugh at the same lame jokes they have been telling for years, :) and both head over heels for each other. Jon and I are so lucky to have both parents married and still in love - growing up with that background and knowing what we wanted when we found each other.
I love you Mom...hope you had a terrific birthday! Thank you for your guidance and your love over all these years.
We had a fabulous Christmas and New Years - mostly celebrated at the lakehouse. We absolutely love that place. A home away from home and so quiet and peaceful!
We celebrated my sweet Momma's birthday on Friday night. She made a big deal of Dad's birthday last year - we all went to Lake Tahoe for his 60th. Due to finances, we all couldn't do that this year. I decided it would be fun to throw a surprise birthday party for her at one of her favorite new stompin' grounds - Urban Crust. All of her work buddies showed up as well as a few other loved ones. Mom was feeling a little sorry for herself, and didn't think we were making a big deal about her birthday - but boy was she surprised!! I'm horrible at keeping secrets, but am getting better! :) I can't believe we pulled it off. The look on her face was priceless!
My mom has become one of my best friends over the years. She knows everything I know. We have always been close, but growing up I told her as much as she needed to know - she was and still does ask a dozen questions about EVERYTHING! Course, that's the way mothers are, I guess! :) She and my Dad will celebrate 40 years of marriage this year... WOW. The funny thing is they still act like they are in high school. They both laugh at the same lame jokes they have been telling for years, :) and both head over heels for each other. Jon and I are so lucky to have both parents married and still in love - growing up with that background and knowing what we wanted when we found each other.
I love you Mom...hope you had a terrific birthday! Thank you for your guidance and your love over all these years.
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